Grief During the Holidays
Grief During the Holidays
When November rolls around, I hear my clients say “I feel really down. Is this normal?” or “I just don’t feel like I can get it together” or even “I wish the holidays didn’t exist”. It’s not uncommon to feel sad, tired or dull this time of year amidst the glitter and cheer. As a counselor with a special focus on grief and loss, I’ve put together some thoughts to bear in mind:
Heightened Emotions
Keep in mind that the holiday season amplifies our losses, relationship wounds, and the absence of our beloved person or pet, or the vision we had for our life that hasn’t manifested. There is a strong social pressure to gather, be merry, and feel abundantly joyful and generous. I remind my clients it’s normal if sadness or heartache or loneliness feel really big right now.
Name It to Tame It
When emotions become heightened or feelings are heavy, put a word or name to it. You could say to yourself, “Oh, this is grief showing up in my chest right now. I’m okay. I’ll let it pass through.” It’s easy to get lost in big emotions and feel like we’ll be stuck in them forever. But we won’t! I promise. Name the rumble inside to diffuse the feelings….and then…breathe!
Honor Grief with Ritual
Rituals are activities or gestures to help us remember or honor a loss. Rituals ground us, too. Grief rituals can look like writing a letter to your person, going for a long walk, calling a supportive person to reminisce about the person or pet who has died, lighting a candle, making a seasonal meal, listening to a playlist, displaying a portrait/photo in a place in your home. Using rituals when we’re grieving can increase feelings of hope and resilience.
Breathe, Move
Gentle, slow inhales….gentle, slow exhales. I remind clients often about the power of breathing, which we take for granted. Moving, stretching, and going for walks balance the nervous system too, which helps us clear out heavy emotions. When we’re grieving, it’s normal to feel stagnant. But breath and movement are true medicine.
Gather Your Supportive People
Check in with your support group if you have one. Text supportive friends to maintain connection or ask a friends ahead of time if it’s okay if you text or call them during hard moments. When we’re grieving, it’s common to assume we’re a burden to others, but this couldn’t be further from reality. You’ll be surprised how much your people want to show up for you!
Set Limits
Instead of eliminating traditions and gatherings because it might feel all too much, plan your social parameters ahead of time so you can mingle and leave a gathering when you need to. What are your internal signals letting you know you’ve met your social capacity? I like to ask clients, “Where does that show up in your body?” Have this in mind ahead of time and honor it when you get those internal signals.
Ultra Self Care
This is a time of tenderness, which calls for ultra care of self through the points above. Ultra self care even could look like breaking from tradition by taking a trip or doing something different than what you anticipate.
Grieving is no easy task. Adding in the holidays can feel like a double whammy. Be gentle with yourself, move & breathe, set limits, communicate your limits, and honor your heart through this tender time of year. My wish is for you to experience tender blessings in your grieving and healing journey.
Christine Slomski is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in anxiety, trauma, grief & loss, chronic illness, infertility counseling, and women’s mental health.
Hi, I’m Christine Slomski, a Licensed Professional Counselor, EFT Tapping Practitioner & Reproductive Grief Care Specialist in Arizona. I’m here to help you find your way back to Calm.
My work supports healing from within, using a Mind, Heart, Body, and Spirit model. I’m professionally and personally qualified to walk with you through the hard places, believing you already have within you the components to heal, transform, and thrive.
With love,
Christine